How do I go about this in a rational manner?

[HeavenLeigh]

I am soooo pissed off!!! Like, what else is new? But.....I have good reason and have been so ticked off lately that I just bite my tounge and let it ride because I know I will go completely off.

Darek's moron.......um.....I mean Dad...is driving me over the edge. I want to choke the very life out this pathetic creature. I have tried so hard to keep peace for Darek's sake for so long. I have put up with him causing me problems, causing everyone I have dated problems, calling people and asking questions about me, spying on me, etc.... I finally nipped that in the bud but now there's another problem.

He calls every single day before Darek even gets out of the bed. You can set your alarm by it. 6:55am. Lucky for him I keep the ringers off once I go to bed. If Darek doesn't call back by 7:10 he calls again, then calls the cell phone. That is enough to piss me, but hey the ringer's off. He then calls every single day BEFORE Darek gets off the bus. You can set your alarm by this also.......2:47pm. Darek get home between 10 til and 3, if he comes home. He has football practice every day after school, sometimes he stays and sometimes he comes home for a quick snack then I take him back down......depends on if he's hungry or not.
Today the EX :vent: few choice words called at 6:55am, as always. Darek called him back, no answer, left a message then walked to the bus. Right as Darek was leaving the idiot called back ....on answering machine (try to imagine a pathetic whiney voice)....."Darek, Dad didn't know if you called or not. My phone didn't ring. Call Dad back. Dad loves you" Yeah, he talks this way all the time to a 10 year old boy. He then calls at 1:40pm, 3:07pm, 3:59pm, and 5:17pm *knowing ball practice doesn't end til 6pm*.....that is NOT including the 4 freaking times he called my cell phone.
Never answered the phone, although the last time he was spared I was cursing and screaming all the way to the phone and right as I was about to pick up the ans. machine did.
I know what he wanted. To get Darek after practice and keep him all night. Not caring that this weekend is HIS and Darek has an away game after school tomorrow, won't come home on the bus, and will be here tomorrow night only long enough to shower, eat, and go to bed. Then Friday after he gets home I will drop him straight off to the jackass.
Anyhow.........I went to the school and pulled up beside of a girl that I work with, she was waiting on her son.....she said "Are you suppose to be here?" and kinda rolled her eyes to the right. There the jackass was.......after leaving a message at almost 20 after 5----he stood there at 5 til 6......and lives about 30 minutes from the school.
I stood there with my mouth gaping open....what in the HELL is wrong with this "blanker" anyhow? He came over and tried to make small talk and really, I should thank Tommy for hiding my tire iron after the sonic incident cuz I sure would've used it. I guess the look on my face told him enough....he talked to Darek a couple of minutes and went on his way.

I can NOT take this any more. I have been more than fair to him. I waived child support, let him have him a couple times most weeks including 1/2 a day on EVERY non-school holiday *not just the ones recognized by the courts*, + every other weekend. If he happens to have him on a weekend that some of my out of town family comes in on.......I may get him a couple hours Darek can visit with him. When the ex's sister came in from Texas....I let Darek stay up there 2 extra days to spend time with her....... I give and give and he takes and takes and quite frankly, I'm sick of it and HIM.

He is obnoxious and obssessive and a complete wuss. He has quizzed Darek and whined to Darek so much that the poor kid doesn't know which way is up. I do believe Darek is getting sick of him and doesn't want to spend as much time with him but I think the Ex makes him feel guilty if he doesn't. I have tried talking to Darek but he just clams up.

Any suggestions? At this point I'm ready to blow.

[meliz]

Egads. Poor girl! WHat to do what to do.

First off, I don't think u can just cut him out (tempting as that may be :) )-- I mean he still deserves to see his son, and though annoyed, I bet Darek still loves his dad, even though he doesn't wanna talk about it (as I recall, 10 year olds don't like the mushy gushy love talk:)). So it seems to me you have to get it through dad's thick skull that obsessive guys who call a zillion times a day are really, really creepy and very aggravating.

I would leave the ringer on... maybe add a message to the machine that you are busy and will call back ASAP... then keep a log of everytime he calls. Then sit with him with said record of calls and ask him what he thinks he is accomplishing? Maybe if it is set out for him in crystal clear terms, he'll get it. Maybe. :)

Or perhaps you guys could set up a time each day where Darek could call him? Would you ever consider getting Darek a cell phone that runs off your plan (with limited minutes, of course :))... that way he could call his dad on his own time, even on the run? Then again, all that might be putting too much pressure on a 10 year old...

I dunno... it's a dilemma. But I think talking with him and telling him in no uncertain terms that this is annoying you and, more importantly, Darek, might be the best first step.

[Sexy Strawberry]

Oh I'm sorry Krysti, it does sound like a difficult situation to handle.
I agree with Meliz, I'd talk to him and try to set up a time on which he can call Darek everyday, try to be nice to him (even if you're feeling like shooting him :D) so that he can't give you a rude answer.

[yonksgirl]

I waived child support

:eek: You what????? You are way too nice! If he wants to be Dad of the year then he needs to help!

The cell phone is not a bad idea except his dad should pay for it! if he wants to talk to him all the time then he can foot the bill and you will not be bothered! :talk:

I think your son will soon not want to go with him anymore. I do not know about where you live but I think it is 12 that you can make up your own mind about who you want to live with!

You are calmer then me when it comes to the Ex LOL! I would do more then get a tire iron! LOL! I have told him to :screwu: more then once! But then again he is a crackhead (for real). And he thinks he should be able to see Brionna when ever he wants!:rolleyes

Anyway I hope everthing works out for you! And don't worrry I am sure Darek can spot :bullshit: when he hears it! Remember you raised him! :p

[Turtleheadfred]

Girl! I would never have waived child support. I would keep the tape recordings of the million times he calls and give them to my attorney. Go BACK to court and charge him with harrassment of both you and your son. Get child support (back child support if necessary) and not give him any visits other than what the court deems necessary. I would also speak with the lawyer about supervised visits. This whining and manipulation of your son is NOT helping your son in any way at all - and is probably very harmful to him as I'm sure most child psychologists would agree. He sounds totally creepy and I would not cut him out of your son's life - but I would definitely keep him from ruining your lives!

My advice is to seek legal advice!

[HeavenLeigh]

Thanks for the advice girls. We haven't spoke yet......but it's long over-due and coming. I am seriously considering going back to my atty......he hates the ex and only waived child support for the time being as long as I wanted it waived but if I decided to um....unwaive it? lol want child support I could go back and it would be issued.
I done this for 2 reasons.........1. I made twice the money the ex did 2. He does buy for Darek, toys (way too many, whatever he wants BTW), clothes, etc.... BUT ever since day 1 what he has bought has stayed at his house. I've had to scrimp and save to buy school clothes this year (if it hadn't been for Tommy the kid wouldn't have much), the ex knows this and hasn't offered to send any clothes for Darek while I have him.
Everybody sits in amazement at Darek's birthday parties.........the ex jumps up and runs to "help" Darek with the gift thing. Hands him the gifts and then makes 2 piles......1. is the pile that either I or my friends/family gets for him and the 2nd is the pile that his family gets for Darek. Same with the money/cards.
The ex really yanked a sore on my ass Friday. He called Darek after school (no practice on Fridays).......and asked Darek to tell me to meet him at his work at 4pm. I told him NO, I was busy I would meet him somewhere at 5 (the time he is suppose to get Darek but I usually let him after work on his weekends at 4) anyhow, he started whining to Darek that he had made him a hair appt for 4:30......so I told him he could come and pick him up. This was at 3pm. AT 3:05 pm the jackass called back saying (whiney pathetic voice) "Can I come and get Darek now? My boss was standing here and asked me if I got my son this weekend and I when I told him yeah he told me to go on now and I wouldn't get docked" BULL!!! Okay, I was ticked but made a mental note to look at the clock when he pulled into the drive. It was 3:25pm. So today I called Darek and told him to tell his Dad that I would call later to tell him where to meet me at 3:25pm. Darek told him and he came back to the phone and said "what about 5pm?" Nope......I was firm. It will be 3:25pm on the dot or else I will pull into his driveway.
I know he'll question and whine (the EX not Darek) and when he does I will inform him to make sure he calls me later (when Darek is out of earshot) and I will gladly inform him on why.
I am keeping all his calls on the ID. I have spoke to Darek only 2 times yesterday and once today. I did call and leave him a message Friday that one of his friends was trying to get ahold of him to ask him something, left a number and that was it. Never told him to call me or anything.
I have been really good at trying to be fair but that only works if it's a 2way street. From now on you get what you give and that's the bottom line. I better go and get ready for 3:25 :D