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HeavenLeigh
10-18-2005, 10:04 PM
I have been making a huge attempt to form some sort of bond type thingy with T's Mom.
I have tried to look past everything I loathe about her and be more open minded about the whole situation.......and it isn't working.

A little background......
Due to chemical contamination in the area he grew up in.....T had to have 2 major brain tumors removed one when he was 5 and the other when he was 8-ish.
When he was 18 he got a nice settlement from the co. that caused the pollution. His Mom took him for a ride.....talked him into going in 1/2 with her psycho boyfriend (my cousin's ex husband BTW) and they bought a huge house. T bought all the furniture, had the utilities in his name, etc.... Some papers got forged, Tommy lost his 1/2 of the house. Not before his mom and her psycho went thru what money was left. His Mom had bought a car, decided she didn't want it, T gave her cash for it to keep from ruining her credit, she took the money but the car didn't get paid off. She and the psycho disappeared for a month, went to FL, and the car was repoed.

Okay, this is just the beginning. Up until I finally put my foot down she was calling here 2-3 times every blasted day. Wanting money, cigarettes, me to co-sign for her a car, wanting to "borrow" my pain meds after I had surgery on my neck, this, that, and what-ever. She can't keep money since she's addicted to drugs. I have some members of my own family that are in her boat and I refuse to be chummy with them.....and I'm sure not aiding in her drug problem by being at her beck and call. Of course T was.

He has done so much better but here lately since I have been "nice" and trying she has started calling again wanting things and T is starting to fall right back into her trap. He's even wanting her to go on weekend outings with us, of course at our expense. I hate to say anything since he has helped me so much financially but his Mom's live in makes about the same as we do in a week. He gets paid on Thursdays, we have twice the bills and an extra person in the house, yet we had to go buy a can of fix a flat to take to them tonight because they didn't have so much as $5.

I can't do this, I refuse to do this.......I love T and he has been nothing but wonderful to me but I wouldn't think twice to kick his ass to the curb if this goes any further. It's like she poisons his mind into thinking she's so wonderful. Kinda like the abused child syndrome that is always trying and searching for acceptance in the abuser.

Any advice?




Sydneyp
10-19-2005, 12:25 AM
Does Tommy understand that his mom is destructive? If he doesn't, can't say I can think of anything for you to do.

If he knows but hasn't ever known how to change their relationship, I'd say counseling. Try couples therapy if he won't go for individual counseling.

Good luck - it's tough seeing someone you care about abused - even worse when you think it's never going to end for either of you.

meliz
10-19-2005, 04:05 AM
Eeek. I agree with Sydney... this will be a tough one for T to get his head around... and I would be afraid that it's not a good message for you to try to convey to him-- it would be awful for you to come across as the uncaring villian who "hates my mom" in this-- of course you're not, but you know what I mean. Our moms have a weird control over us, I think-- which is a good thing unless they abuse this influence (like his mom seems to). I think you do need an independent third party to help him see the big picture.

HeavenLeigh
10-22-2005, 12:23 PM
Thanks girls.

I broke down and talked to him. He got pissed at first, go figure, but then he seen how serious I was.

I told him about my last convo with his Mom. How she wanted to borrow my car, hoped I would win a big law suit w/ the hellhole so I could give her money, and how she wanted to go somewhere with us this weekend.....and even insisted on doing so when I told her that I had my son and he has a ballgame today. Pushy piece of trash.

He made excuses for her.....I put a fast stop to that. I told him plainly I was not making him choose but I was not going to tolerate her any more. I was not going to sit by and watch her take advantage of him and I'm sure as hell not giving her the space to take me for a ride either. I also told him that my mom would NEVER ask him for money, cars, pills, or for him to co sign for her and if she ever did I wouldn't hesitate to put a stop to it NOW......but if he couldn't show me the same consideration it would be best if he moved on because I wasn't about to spend my life with someone that allowed anyone -family or not--take advantage of me.

Hopefully this done some good. He said he would "take care of it" and I also pointed out that he had "took care of it 15-20 times before" and this was the last straw.
Keep your fingers crossed.

ParagonEos
10-28-2005, 08:35 AM
I'm curious to know what's happend so far? I hope it works out for the best and I agree that counseling is in, it does so much more good than one realizes until later. I hate that you have someone you love and his Mom is making you miserable. :mad:

Something good has to happen :hug:

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