luv2cook
05-02-2003, 09:58 PM
Okay, I could use some advice. My parent's 50th wedding anniversary is this weekend. My little sister is flying in from out of state And she and I are taking them out to dinner. Why such a small celebration for a golden anniversary, you might ask? Well, it's like this. My parents can't stand each other. They were forced into marriage 50 years ago when my mom was pregnant with my oldest brother. My parents had 5 kids in 6 years, then 7 years later I came along and my littler sister, 3 years after me.
Anyhow, my mother has always made it clear that she never loved my father, but felt forced by her mother, my dad and his family to get married, as it was the "right" thing to do. My parents were never physically abusive that I can remember (but my older siblings tell me different). They were, however, mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. It was a very explosive, negative environment. My two oldest siblings are mentally retarded. My oldest brother will be 50 this fall and has the mentallity of an 8 year old - he could never live on his own out in this world. That is the only reason my mother stays with my dad...to financially support my brother and ensure his safety. My dad would really screw my brother up, if my mother weren't there to take care of my brother...and...I don't even want to think about it!:eek: The next oldest sister, who is also mentally retarted, is able to live in an assisted living complex and can take care of herself, for the most part. The next oldest brother passed away 7 years ago from cancer. Then there's the next one, my ten-year-older sister, who is a full-blown alcoholic and doesn't have contact with the family anymore as she has stolen money too many times from the family. And then there's my next older brother who LIVES with my parents. He is an alocoholic and drug addict trying to raise a 7 year old son, sharing joint custody with his ex-wife. He tries so hard, but is constantly pulled down into my parents negative world. And then, there is me. A happily married woman (with my husband for 21 years now) with 3 healthy kids. Oh, I have my share of woes! But thank goodness that I live 35 miles away from my parents! And my little sister, she lives out of state, she is also well grounded, happily married with a baby now. She and I are the best of friends and feel like we are the only family we've ever had, as we've always been there for each other, keeping each other grounded and moving in a positive direction.
But anyhow....oh boy did I give you and earful! My mother hated the 25 year anniversary party her friend had for my parents. It was so fake, very uncomfortable for everyone! And then my parents had to dance at my little sister's wedding 3 years ago. If my mom had a gun, she would have probably shot my dad for touching her. But my mom was nice about it and played the role for my sister's sake. But anyhow, I'll quit the drama.
My little sister and I are the only two children showing interest in celebrating our parents 50th wedding anniversary. Even though it has been a living hell for them, beautiful children, grand-children and great-grand-children have come out of this marriage. We just want to show our love and appreciation to our mom and dad! It is so uncomfortable...want to give them the right "card", maybe combine it with a mother's day and father's day celebration. I don't know, our family is so weird! I never even got a card for my 16th birthday. My little sister who is a cancer survivor herself, begged my mother to just "hug and hold her" when she was going thru chemotherapy at age 15. My mother didn't even know how to do that!!!! Seems like a soap opera, I know. But it's all true. Thanks for listening. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
Anyhow, my mother has always made it clear that she never loved my father, but felt forced by her mother, my dad and his family to get married, as it was the "right" thing to do. My parents were never physically abusive that I can remember (but my older siblings tell me different). They were, however, mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. It was a very explosive, negative environment. My two oldest siblings are mentally retarded. My oldest brother will be 50 this fall and has the mentallity of an 8 year old - he could never live on his own out in this world. That is the only reason my mother stays with my dad...to financially support my brother and ensure his safety. My dad would really screw my brother up, if my mother weren't there to take care of my brother...and...I don't even want to think about it!:eek: The next oldest sister, who is also mentally retarted, is able to live in an assisted living complex and can take care of herself, for the most part. The next oldest brother passed away 7 years ago from cancer. Then there's the next one, my ten-year-older sister, who is a full-blown alcoholic and doesn't have contact with the family anymore as she has stolen money too many times from the family. And then there's my next older brother who LIVES with my parents. He is an alocoholic and drug addict trying to raise a 7 year old son, sharing joint custody with his ex-wife. He tries so hard, but is constantly pulled down into my parents negative world. And then, there is me. A happily married woman (with my husband for 21 years now) with 3 healthy kids. Oh, I have my share of woes! But thank goodness that I live 35 miles away from my parents! And my little sister, she lives out of state, she is also well grounded, happily married with a baby now. She and I are the best of friends and feel like we are the only family we've ever had, as we've always been there for each other, keeping each other grounded and moving in a positive direction.
But anyhow....oh boy did I give you and earful! My mother hated the 25 year anniversary party her friend had for my parents. It was so fake, very uncomfortable for everyone! And then my parents had to dance at my little sister's wedding 3 years ago. If my mom had a gun, she would have probably shot my dad for touching her. But my mom was nice about it and played the role for my sister's sake. But anyhow, I'll quit the drama.
My little sister and I are the only two children showing interest in celebrating our parents 50th wedding anniversary. Even though it has been a living hell for them, beautiful children, grand-children and great-grand-children have come out of this marriage. We just want to show our love and appreciation to our mom and dad! It is so uncomfortable...want to give them the right "card", maybe combine it with a mother's day and father's day celebration. I don't know, our family is so weird! I never even got a card for my 16th birthday. My little sister who is a cancer survivor herself, begged my mother to just "hug and hold her" when she was going thru chemotherapy at age 15. My mother didn't even know how to do that!!!! Seems like a soap opera, I know. But it's all true. Thanks for listening. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!