sparks

[indigoshirt]

Hello, I am new to this forum. I have been married for 4 years and lately my marriage has become very ho-hum. I love my husband very much but I dont feel the sparks anymore. We have fallen into a rut where we are too comfortable and there is not much romance. Sometimes I feel like I am living with a roommate or a brother even. :eek: Do you guys have these problems ever???

[rdy2rac with]

Somewhere we did discuss this before (I know you weren't here). We all seem to have our slow times when it comes to romance. We tried to list all the different things we could do help spice things up again. Lets see if I can find the post I'm refering to & link it to here.

So to answer your question, we all have problems some times. :D

[luv2cook]

Welcome Sparks! Don't fret, it's normal. Just have to work a little harder to keep the romance creative. Been with my hubby for 21 years now. It's a different kind of love we have now. A deeper, stronger, unconditional love now that we are a family. When we were dating and engaged, it was more of a lusty, fun, new and exciting love. He's my best friend & soul mate. We have 3 young children also, which also changes the way we love each other. One big tangled web of unconditional love! The love just gets shifted around over the years, appropriately filling in the areas where it's needed. Just try and remember that change is good!;)

[Csara]

Hi Indigo and welcome to HT! My thoughts are that you probably just need to reconnect with your husband. Take the initiative to do something special just the two of you, anything from a romantic dinner at home to a night out on the town. Something I think is a good idea is to make a designated "date night" or just make sure that you try to spend atleast one night a week focusing on eachother and reconnecting. Maybe talk about how you first met and what attracted you to eachother in the first place, watch a romantic comedy or go to a comedy club (laughing is always good!), listen to your favorite music and dance together, light candles, take a bubble bath together, give him a massage....there are many ways to re-ignite the spark, it's as easy as just trying something different than your usual routine. Good luck!

[Margarita]

Great advice, C! Welcome, Indigo. What Csara said, okay? Good luck!

[Csara]

LOL!! Hey, if I'm going to be a therapist, I gotta know my stuff, right? ;)

[Margarita]

Very true. So do you start tomorrow? ;) (You could, ya know!)

[indigoshirt]

Thanks for the replys sorry I havent been back to check but things are doing a little better. I am coming to accept that we just do not have a passionate marriage but we are a great couple otherwise.

[veda]

Are there things that interest both of you in life? How about starting a project together? I notice that my partnership with my bf seems to elevate to a new level (excitement, respect, attraction) when we work on something creative together. (I love watching him work too! He's very meticulous but extremely laid back in attitude too)

Or take an unplanned mini-vacation, Csara has some great ideas. But like you say, maybe your kind of love isn't with alot of "rolling on the floor" passion or romance, but your love may be strong in many other ways.

[Csara]

Originally posted by veda
Csara has some great ideas. :D thanks! In my own personal life, it is very important to me to always ignite the sparks. We have been together for a long time and are so comfortable with eachother that I dont want to ever lose sight of the romance. It has just become habit that we do a lot of those things I suggested, without even thinking about it. I just dont want to get to that point of wondering where that spark went and have to try and figure out how to fix it, kwim? I want it to always be there and I am so thankful that after all this time it is. I can see us still going strong when we are old and wrinkly. ;)

[andrea]

oh c girl you have great advice!!!