Please I need as many opinions as you can give!

[Sexy Strawberry]

On Sunday I spent the night with ten people of my residence in a bedroom. It was fun, we didn't sleep and we talked a lot. I knew all of them, except one guy. He's in his second year, and he looks very handsome. I didn't notice him that much, but he spent the night tickling me, holding my hands, etc.
On Monday I went to bed really early, I don't even remember if I saw him or not. I probably did.
On Tuesday night I was with my friends and all of sudden he appeared. He sat next to me and we were talking for a little. Then, at 12am when I was going to bed he told me to go with him and some more people to his bedroom. We watched a tv show until 2am, he spent all the time next to me, holding my hands and that type of things. At 2am everyone left. I stood up because I thought I should go too but he asked me to stay. So when the others closed the door and we were alone he started tickling me really hard and I couldn't stop laughing, suddenly he kissed me on the lips (I was expecting it).
I stayed with him until 4am, I had classes at 8.30am, so did he. He told me a lot of compliments and that he couldn't believe I liked him too. He sounded like he had a big crush on me. That flattered me.
Then, on Wednesday (yesterday), he visited me three times in my bedroom. And everytime he left he kissed me on the lips. He was sweet and everything. Also, I like him because he's a healthy guy, he's probably in that 5% of guys who don't smoke tobacco nor weed. He doesn't drink except on special occasions, he's a good student and he goes to the gym everyday. Sounds good huh?

Today (Thursday), I decided to visit him in his bedroom after lunch (I don't think I should make him come all the time). When he opened the door he was playing Playstation 2 with another girl. They weren't doing anything, just playing but for some reason I felt uncomfortable. He talked to me a lot, and when they finished the game she left and told him that she was going to do the laundry with more people and asked him to go along. When she left the room... I told him that I thought he didn't get along with that girl. He told me that they had been talking before I arrived because they hated each other before and now they were friends again.

Then, I left, because he had to do the laundry and before I left he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him tomorrow (more people are coming). I said "sure! cool, I'd love to go" and he said he'd tell me tomorrow at what time they're going. Then I left and didn't kiss him.

And now, I feel weird! The girl who was with him doesn't seem a bad person, but her friends aren't too nice (everyone hates them around here) and when I saw her in his bedroom I didn't know what to think. I hate it, here we don't have privacy, we live in different rooms but we're 24/7 in the same building and then people start commenting rumours. I'm worried, I don't know what to think about him now... I mean, a boy friend of mine came yesterday to my bedroom to check his e-mail and there is nothing between him and me but... I get jealous really easily.

The question is... am I overreacting? I'm afraid I might get really attached to him and suffer later.

[HeavenLeigh]

If you're going to have a friendly relationship with this guy jealousy is something that will have to go....until there is some sort of committment. If the idea of dating becomes a topic tell him that you feel uncomfortable when he has other girls in his room and be open for discussion. Til then enjoy yourself, your time with him, but don't rely on him to make you happy. You're in college.....go mingle! Just don't have a jealous rage after a few days of getting to know him. He may never be your boyfriend but he could be a good friend.

[Dula]

college is definitely a time to go out and have fun, and concentrate on school as well. having a relationship where jealousy is a factor is a huge distraction. i'd say, have fun, but don't get too serious!!!

[Sexy Strawberry]

Well, right now there is physical attraction (and the way he's acted to me since I met him shows that he's more interested in me than I am in him). But I want to know him better, and who knows, maybe he's my perfect mate.
I just don't know how to act, he visited me three times in my bedroom yesterday, however I feel uncomfortable about visiting him just in case it bothers him.

I'd like to have a real relationship someday, I'm tired of dating and meeting new people, I would like to have someone.

[Csara]

Well, being that I met my husband in college when I was 19, I understand where you are coming from. I agree that college is a time to go out and have fun, but I did plenty of that before I met DH and even more of it WITH him so I definitely wouldn't rule out this, or any guy you happen to meet for that matter, as being your perfect mate. My suggestion would be to just kind of go with the flow. Act natural and don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. As far as overreacting and being jealous, obviously it is hard to stop your emotions, but you have no real basis for feeling that way. You just met him and you don't have any sort of commitment to him so just try to control that a bit . You don't want to turn him off and have him thinking you are a bit kookoo, ya know? ;) And as for worrying about getting attached and getting hurt later, well that is a risk we all take when we open our hearts up to someone. When you find true love, the rewards are much greater than the hurt and it is definitely worth the risk.

[Margarita]

Ditto what Csara said (well said, C!). I also met my husband in college at 19. I didn't experience the jealousy thing in the beginning, but I found out later that he did. There was a guy friend of mine that spent a lot of time in my room. He may have liked me as more than a friend, but I never thought of him that way. We were just talking, and there was no reason for jealousy.

Just as you have a male friend who is just that, you have to respect that this guy has female friends. That won't necessarily make the jealousy disappear, but you're just getting to know each other and need to trust him. If he gives you reason not to, then you can go from there. Take it easy for now and just enjoy getting to know him.

[Journeyman]

Well, right now there is physical attraction (and the way he's acted to me since I met him shows that he's more interested in me than I am in him).

Keep in mind at that age guys hormones are raging!! I suggest ya take it very very slowwww.....................

[meliz]

Hey SS... I agree with C and M... jealousy is not healthy for any relationship, and in Uni you're both gonna have lots of close male and female friends, so you just have to get over that fear of "he'll like her better" or whatever and trust him... IF that's what you want.

My advice (and I am a geek so keep that in mind): take it slow with this guy. ENJOY your time with him, but don't feel you have to jump into a relationship/bed with him. Get to know him as a friend first, then take it from there. 'Cause once you know him, you'll know who he really is and trust him, and this will allow you to not feel jealous of his female friends.

And for the record, I met hub in uni too :)....

[MiLady Mirlyn]

I agree with Mel...

Jealousy has no place in a relationship... I've seen too many friends get into too much heartache because of it.

And if you're going to have guy friends (especially if they visit your room) then you CAN'T tell him he can't have girl friends in his room... that'll make things worse and you may lose him as a friend as well as a boyfriend.

DH's best friend happens to be his ex-girlfriend... and I love her to death! She's fun and really nice... he had me meet her right off the bat... because he didn't want to hide anything from me...

Well, he'd go over to visit her (without me) and I never once felt jealous or hurt... I knew he loved me and wasn't going to cheat on me. We both trust each other 100% and that's how it should be.

If you can't trust this guy... then it's either going to tear the two of you apart or it'll tear you up inside if you two get "together"

I was never one for getting into a stupid cat-fight over a guy... you can't make a guy love you... if he wants you, you win... if he wants someone else, you move on. It's his decision, not yours or any other girl's as to who he loves...

I suggest just being friends with him... keep yourself in that frame of mind... and if it's meant to be, it will happen.

Well, that's my :2cents: anyway. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Sexy Strawberry]

Thanks people... I have news and it's shocking.
Yesterday he didn't call me or anything, so I went to the cinema with three girl friends (one of them wasn't close to me at all because we don't see each other too often but she's a great person) and two boy friends.
She asked me about JM (this guy) and I said I didn't know (she didn't know what had happened between us). So she said "oh I guess she's too busy with Ana" (the girl who was in his bedroom). I was like :? what! But I didn't ask anything else.
On the bus I sat next to her and asked if she knew anything else about JM and Ana. She said... yes, well, yesterday Cris, Leti and others went to JM's bedroom and when he opened the door he was only wearing pants and she was wearing a t-shirt and boxers that belonged to him. I was soooo shocked that I didn't know what to say. Then I explained her that JM and I had made out on tuesday and that he had told me he had liked me since he had seen me and also that he had talked crap about Ana. She told me to forget about JM because he and Ana are both real jerks and that Ana last night went out, got really drunk and tried to get into every guys' pants.
I just can't understand why some men are like this, they make you believe you're special and next day they're ****ing another girl.
I'm going to have lunch when I stop writing this, if I see him... what should I do? I told this to my best friend here last night and she said that I should ignore him and she'll do the same. Definitely I don't want to spend any of my time with him again.

[cali4dawn]

Until you learn how to control your jealousy, you're not ready for a relationship of any kind.

There is a healthy jealousy, but most are not. Study this subject and learn to put it into perspective. Do you really want to go through life worrying about your partner and what he's up to?

Sounds like a miserable life to me.

[Sexy Strawberry]

Originally posted by cali4dawn
Until you learn how to control your jealousy, you're not ready for a relationship of any kind.

There is a healthy jealousy, but most are not. Study this subject and learn to put it into perspective. Do you really want to go through life worrying about your partner and what he's up to?

Sounds like a miserable life to me.

Thanks for answering but... have you read my last post?

[Journeyman]

Keep in mind at that age guys hormones are raging!! heh not all guys are like that but a majority , yes. That is why ya need to be careful as to your choices in what type of relationship you allow yourself to get involved in.Be smart use your best judgement and take it slow. Your still young.

[cali4dawn]

Thanks for answering but... have you read my last post?

What I said stands well with your last post. The fact that you are asking what you should do shows you are not ready for a relationship in your life.

But since you insist on still asking what should you do after having all this information from your friends and YOUR OWN eyes....

First, you don't make out with someone you just met and are not even dating. You opened yourself up to a world of hurt and being vulnerable.

Second, if a person is obviously involved with someone else, seriously or just fooling around, why would you even ask about it? Why would anyone want to set themselves up for pain?

Third, he's obviously a jerk. I repeat, Why would anyone want to set themselves up for pain? Are you not deserving of having someone thinking you are special and that this person only wants to be with you? What have you done in your life that you don't deserve this type of respect? What have you done that you don't deserve to be with someone that doesn't jack you around? If the answer is nothing at all, then don't tolerate it from anyone.

Last, after all this, if you are still one of these silly dependent females that want a man who will obviously bring pain into her life, you tell him under no uncertain terms will you have anything to do with him on that level until he is free to concentrate on you. While he is seeking other "opportunities," you will go on with your life without him as a potential partner. If he is truly interested in you, he will respect you and make it happen. Yes, it is just this simple.

Come on, how much can he really like you if he is messing with someone else? Think about it. I'm willing to bet all I have that you are worth more than this. For whatever reason, you just don't know it. If you end up with him and he hurts you, do not blame him. He is showing his true colors now. You go into this wide eyed and will have no right to be angry with him for behaving just as he is now. Of course this is supposing that everything everyone told you is true.

[Sexy Strawberry]

Cali, wait, you've misunderstood what I said.
First off, I knew this guy, we made out because apparently he liked me and I liked him.
Then I see him with a girl, I get jealous, I wonder if I should be jealous or not (this is when I decide to ask for help).
Then, I'm told that he has made out and fooled around (and probably even had sex) with that girl after making out with me. At this point I know I don't want anything else with him, he's a jerk, and I tell you all that it's over, now I know that he's a jerk and he's in the black list for me. I'm not a dependent female, it just happened that I met someone, I thought that he could be good for me and then I found out that he was a jerk. But you've taken a lot of wrong conclusions about me and I don't know from where :confused:

[cali4dawn]

On Sunday I spent the night with ten people of my residence in a bedroom. It was fun, we didn't sleep and we talked a lot. I knew all of them, except one guy. He's in his second year, and he looks very handsome. I didn't notice him that much, but he spent the night tickling me, holding my hands, etc.

I knew all of them, except one guy

That is where I came to this conclusion. According to your own words, you met him one day were making out a couple of days later. That is not knowing him. You hadn't even dated yet. There's know way you could have known him well enough to care for him and well enough to be making out with him. Many young people mistake lust for caring. This is nothing new. It's been going on since the beginning of time. You are no exception. But by the time you are in college you should know the difference.

Every conclusion I've taken is from your own words. You stated many times that he said he cared about you. You were a total stranger. YES, after a few days you are still a total stranger. I'll tell you the truth. Any person that tells me they care about me in that respect that early in the relationship, I run as fast as I can. First of all, it's ludicrous to think someone can care about me without knowing me. They haven't known me long enough to care. They may be intereted in me. May be intrgued by me. But not care enough to say those things. I promise: anyone that does say these things this quickly will be trouble. And I don't have to prove my point.... you and this guy proved it for me.

Now, before anyone jumps all over me, there are exceptions to the rule. I met and fell in love with my spouse in 2 weeks. But we still took it slow. We got to really know each other well before going to the next level. We dated a long time before doing anything. We met each other's families. We made sure what we were feeling was real and not childish romantic notions before taling the next step. We've now been together 6.5 years. Believe me: When you get to know your special guy really well before fooling around, it is so much more special and very real. AND any guy that won't wait is obviously not caring about YOU... just your body parts.

Good luck in life.

[cali4dawn]

I stand corrected... it was not a couple of nights later.

The very first night you were holding his hand and letting him tickle you. Come one..... You were making out with a total stranger the day you met him. Yet, you don't understand where I came up with these conclusions?

What else amd I supposed to think????

You are not in HS any longer. And don't even tell me you were just flirting. Flirting does not involve touching. Really! Once you allowed him into your personal space with the tickling, you were performing a soft version of making out.

Make the next guy work for your attention. If he's really intersted, it will be so obvious. Talk to him, keep your own space. Let him ask you out on a proper date. I'm not saying be a prude. Be a little flirty and seductive. But stop it at that. No intimate touching until you know you have his attention and he's not interested in anyone else. That may take 2 weeks, it may take a year. But until he is yours alone... no touchy feely.

[cali4dawn]

holding hands is not touchy feely... go for it