Trying to deal with losing the best guy in the world

[nmm]

So it's been 3 weeks since my boyfriend told me he didn't think we are compatible any more and that we shouldn't be in a romantic relationship. The pain has been agonizing and I really need some support and advice on how to go about this.

To give you the background...we met online 3 years ago and, except for year number 2, have always had to deal with the long distance thing with me being in nevada and he in arizona. when i first started talking to him i couldn't believe how similar we were, he was exactly who i was looking for and i was the same to him. circumstances prevented him from visiting me, so I would visit him in the time i could outside of college. we saw each other about once a month. i even stayed with him for the summer that first year. then by the second year he was able to move to up to nevada to be with me for a year. during that time problems started to develop mainly around the subjects of affection and sex--he wanted more of it. i was really bogged down with school, and i'm also pretty stubborn...so he became unhappy and turned toward a research project that his brother got him interested in. he ended up moving back home to arizona for two reasons--he couldn't do his research in nevada, and he thought some absence between us would make the heart grow fonder. we still visited each other monthly for the next 5 months. so that brings us to May 2003...by this time he was committed to his research project, which made him happy, and we finally decided to see a counselor about our differences in sexual desire. things seemed to get better in that area, there was a compromise, finally a solution, we were still doing the long distance thing, but our visits were amazing and full of love.

ok, so now we're at 3 weeks ago where we met in chicago for the weekend, reserved a nice hotel, were both really excited and missed each other. we hadn't seen each other for 2 months. i felt so in love. he gave me a card that said he looked forward to the day we could be together (only 7 more months until i graduate from college). the tension of being in a new city on vacation was just too much this time though that we ended up arguing a lot about sightseeing and parking and the radio being too loud, just unimportant stuff. we had a lot of great moments though too, very intimate. but by the last day there, we got into a fight and he said that he didn't think we should be together anymore. i was devastated, because even though i wasn't happy with the arguments, i was in no state of wanting to end things. to me it was just part of the bad moments that relationships have. i actually felt quite the opposite--it felt so good to see him again and i didn't want to leave.

but anyway, i can't complain about this guy at all. he's been my best friend, a perfect lover, and everything i could have asked for. he's never done me wrong. i'm still deeply in love with him and he wants me to move on. he said that in the past year he's found that we follow different paths, he's really involved in his project and he didn't forsee anything changing with that in the future, and that we make each other upset too often.

am i wrong to think that our problems are what all couples go through? the disagreements, the unmatched desire for sex...this is all typicall, right? i mean neither of us thought of sleeping with someone else, there was no physical fighting...nothing was atypical. i feel like he's letting go too easy. it just that this pain is a million times worse than any of the problems we've had in the past.

what do i do when i have no reason to feel like i'm better off without him?

[MissRyry]

I KNOW how you feel. I met a guy online. He was in Utah, I was in Texas. A year we chatted and met once a month. He was my BEST FRIEND and confidante. And probably the best lover I've ever had . . . :(

A big step came when he asked me to share Thanksgiving with him and his whole Mormon family. I met everyone and could tell that everyone liked me. That same weekend I brought the subject of marriage up to him and he was all for it. Now, just to work out the logistics of who would move.

I came back to Texas and a week later, he broke up with me. Over an instant messaging system. :eek: Said "we needed to date other people and take a break. It would be good for us." I was CRUSHED. I have no idea if he just got scared or what.

For three days I cried and cried and cried. But then early one Saturday morning ... as it is now ... when it was dark outside ... I logged on to my computer and visited various sites (Avon, smile and act nice.com, etc.) and I kept getting a stupid MATCHMAKER popup. Like the same popup three times in row. "JOIN FREE FOR TWO WEEKS!" it said. And out of anger for Eric, I said out loud "Ok Eric, you wanted us to date other people, well you GOT it!!!!!" I posted my picture, wrote a brief write up of my likes and dislikes, walked to the kitchen to make some breakfast, got carried away by something on tv

and when I returned to my computer 2 hours later, there were FOUR messages in my inbox of guys wanting to meet me. I went on a date THAT VERY NIGHT. And had a blast! Well, after I cried about Eric to that guy. lol!! He said "you need to do something wild & crazy that you've never done!" I was scared--I thought he meant sex! He took me to his brother's house where we climbed into this HUGE four-wheeling monster truck and we went down some creek beds and just tore it UP! He said "SCREAM RHONDA!! Let it ALL OUT!!!!" LOL!!! :D It was a blast!!!

A couple of months later I met my now-husband on Matchmaker. A month after that, Eric decided he wanted me back. He wasn't "finding anything better than Rhonda" out there. I proudly said "Nope, you told me to go out there and meet other people and I found one who's probably my future husband. He's everything you are and MORE." I still got a couple emails from Eric checking on me, but I never caved. He had his chance.

Now YOU go out there and take a look around. Heck--sign up at matchmaker.com for a free 2 weeks. :cool:

>'.'<

[Journeyman]

All the things you have stated about him and your relationship .Make sure you tell him. Then tell him you love him and walk away. Work on your own personal and spiritual growth. Goto friends and family to ease the pain.Find interests to occupy your mind. If he knocks on your door tell him you are not there for him when he wants you .Its all or nothing...Maybe that will be a wake up call to him.YOU CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO DO SOMETHING THEY DO NOT WANT THEMSELVE.He will know how you feel where you stand and what you want.If at this point in time in your lives he cant provide that to you.And you cant step back and just remain friends .Walk away and give it time ..Be good peace..

[Frantabulous]

I'm really sorry you're hurting like this. I'm sure you must be completely crushed. It's very normal for you to be crying and hurting. Let it all out. You need to grieve.

Rhonda gave you excellent advice. You simply cannot make someone love you. This guy has ended it, for whatever reason and you're not going to change that. You can try to bargain, plead, make him jealous, or whatever else, but his heart is no longer in the relationship. I'd be willing to bet every single person on this board has been in your shoes at one time or another. It's hell. The only thing you can do is focus on yourself, heal from this pain and move on to someone who want to be in a relationship with you. Unfortunately, he does not. I know that's hard to hear, but it's the truth and you must face that.

Please post here as often as you need to. The people here are wonderful and caring. We will help you through this! {{{HUGS}}}