Getting Married soon, looking for advice

[MarkR]

Hi all
Im getting married in July this up coming summer, And there some things Im looking for infomation on.

In my life I never had much money, so I never learned basic Finicial things like Checking and stuff like that.... but what else s there Vital need to know infomation for a guy, before getting married?

Thanks
Mark

[rdy2rac with]

First: Communication is key. Be honest about financial situations, try to find honest solutions for them & discuss any purchase over $100 ($50 if you're on a TIGHT budget). This goes for both sides, not just for men.

Second: Keep a good eye on your financials. I tend to do bills twice a week. I use QuickBooks so that I have a referance for my actual check book. It has helped me catch a few things (checks I forgot to log, deposits that were double logged). Since I started using QB (year & 1/2 ago) I can honestly say that I haven't bounced a single check.

With me & my hubby, I do all the financial stuff (he's neer balanced his own checkbook, his mom did it before I did) & he asks when he take money out & how much he can take out. We do have some good bills (he has 2 credit card bills that we've been paying off since we got together, 4 years ago) but we try not to live beyond our means too much. We know when we can splurge & he understands when I tell him to wait a while before buying more parts for his truck.

[MiLady Mirlyn]

That's GREAT advice, rdy2rac with!!

I think communication is the biggest... because with communication, everything else will fall into place. You'll communicate with the financial stuff, with problems, arguments, etc.

Don't worry about arguments... they happen... but try to "talk" it out... don't scream at each other (although, screaming isn't the end of the world either.)

Remember that just because "you're right" doesn't mean that her feelings aren't valid.

Keep jealousy out of it!!! There's no place for it in a marriage! DH's best friend is his ex-girlfriend and I love her to death! She's sweet and a lot of fun... and I trust DH to hang out with her and not do anything... he married me, afterall... he made his decision to marry me, not someone else, so why should I worry? I don't... and neither does he.

Trust and repect go hand-in-hand... marriage is a big step. Make sure you both trust and respect each other!

And don't worry when she gets freaky with the planning... especially closer to the wedding date... I got so stressed and snapped at DH so much, I'm surprised we made it to the wedding!!! LOL But he kept reminding me that so long as the two of us and the preacher were there... nothing else mattered... if something went wrong, we still loved each other... if no one showed or too many showed up at the wedding, or if the cake wasn't right, or the invitations got messed up... he still loved me and it was "our day" and we were the only ones who mattered. We didn't care if anyone else was happy about any of it... it was "our" wedding... not our families, not our friends... OURS!!

She'll need you to keep her grounded!! But be careful how you say it... remember, she'll be stressed!!!!!

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Country1969]

Getting Married soon, looking for advice

My advice: DON'T DO IT!
Just kidding. My wife and I met back in March,1995
We dated very very shortly, before moving in with each other.

We lived in an small apartment,no furniture to start out with. Used a cardboard box as a table. We were not poor like many might think just starting out. But soon after, our bills caught up with us. Stress was in the air. We discussed getting married but we both felt we should wait to see what would happen with our relationship. Our families tried to keep us apart. Creditors harrassed us at home and work. Then she got pregnant and she starting getting more worried. We wanted at that point to buy a house and get out of that apartment. So many different people lived below us that were trouble. But our credit sucked.
Soon after we had a boy.Then oneday I came home and she told me that she found a mortage company that would give us a loan. A bit higher rate but we talked with them. I found a home on the net a few minutes from our apartment. Set up a meeting to see the place. Went home and talked about it. At this time, I had money saved over time for something like this. Just needed enough for down payment and closing cost. We set up another meeting this time I took my uncle, would knows what to look for. I wasn't concern about the colors of the rooms. More physical damage which were none.
I told the agent that we wanted to make an offer. Which I offered the full asking price - the make the odds of getting the house even better. We knew we would be changing things once we got the house. A few days later - he said the owner accepted and we were on our way to owning our first home. Less than 8 weeks after setting up a loan we moved in our new home. We got the house about March,2000.


We got married on June 1st,2002.


You will experience many ups and downs. But don't take it out on your new wife. I did so many times only to find that her drove her away more and more as the months went by. Until I day I told her that I was sorry and no matter what happens that I will love her forever. I don't need fancy cars,clothes,furniture or eat name brand foods to be happy with her. She was laid off at times and I was working and we still made thru them.

Now she works full time at Target at night and I work full time in the day. So we don't need no babysitter for our son. We get to spend a few hours together we I get home. And we do have more time on the nights she gets off to watch movies/tv and chat.
We go shopping on the weekends together and our son. We don't go out like we use to date. But I don't miss it. I love being home, whether if it's watching tv/being on the internet or doing home improvements.

Also what they say about the sexual relationship after getting married...it's not true. My wife and I after 7 1/2 years dating/living
and 1 1/2 married ...it's the same from day 1. The sparks are still there. Many co-workers tell me that it will fade after years like it had happened to them. I tell them that it's their own fault for treating your wife like a woman and not being there for her when she needs you. Maybe they got tired of each other.
But not all couples are like that. So don't worry about any of this stuff. There have been many times that I told her NO.

My wife handles certain bills and I do certain ones. She has her own credit cards and I have my own, I handle sending out the mortage and she handles taking care of the others.

Cooking. She cooks and so do I. We are not major cooks like you see on tv but we make easy meals. No 5 course meals. We like to try new recipes at times. We used to eat out many years ago, but you know how much that costs. Our cabinets are filled pretty well. We stock up on sale items. Buy 1 get 1 free or Buy 1 get 2 free. Or .88 can of sauce. We use coupons. Many people laugh at us for saving a few cents here and there. But I tell them that I don't pay $100 or more a week for food also.
Buy stocking up, she goes to the store for milk,bread,eggs and afew things here and there. Then when we decided to head to market a bigger list then we do so. But not every week.

jealousy - none with us. We joke around when we see a good looking woman and she does the same. It's all for fun. But make sure you both know you guys are joking.


I hope my post hasn't changed your mind. Everything will be fine and you will figure out solutions to your problems as you need too. I f you love her and she really loves you, you have nothing to worry about.

Good luck