Bad breakup

[chelleypie]

I recently (last week) broke up with my fiance (we'd been seeing one another for almost 5 years) and now I haven't the faintest idea what to do with myself or how to feel better. Any suggestions? Please and thank you!

[yonksgirl]

The best way I think is to cut off all ties I know it is hard but you need to get out and be with you friends that has always worked for me Hope you feel better soon:hug: And welcome to the board!

[HeavenLeigh]

It's perfectly normal to feel lost and hopeless. A breakup is like a death. Cry, grieve, and heal. While you're doing that make sure you have "get out" time. I know when I go thru a break up I don't want to get out but it does help. It's so easy to sit at home and be miserable but the more you get out and mingle, make new friends, and find new interests the quicker your heart will mend.

Good luck. It's not the end of the world. It just feels like it is.

[yonksgirl]

Hey girl how are you doing are you felling any better?

[andrea]

wow i am late on this one...

but how are you doing? I sure hope you stop back by!!!!

[itsme70360]

hey,
i just broke off an engagement of 6 years last night!!!! i feel the pain and i don't know what to do are how to handle it. to be along again just scares me. i know he will be calling me but i can't go back.. what to do ??? and how did you handle it?

[Marie]

Hello!

I want to share these words with you.......

"Words of Wisdom"

You're good, but you're going to be great. You're the best, but you're going to get better. Sometimes the paths we take are long and hard, but remember: those are always the ones that lead to the most beautiful views. Challenges come along, inevitably; how you respond to them determines who you are~ deep down inside~and everything you're going to be. Increase the chances of reaching your goals by working at them gradually. The very best you can do is all that is asked of you. Realize that you are capable of working miracles of your own making. Remember that oppurtunities have a reason for knocking on your door, and the right ones are there for the taking. You don't always have to win, but you do need to know what it takes to be a winner. It's up to you to find the key that unlocks the door to a more fulfilling life. Understand that increased difficulty brings you nearer to the truth of how to survive it~ and get beyond it. Cross your bridges. Meet your challenges. Reach out for your dreams, and bring them closer and closer to your heart. Get rid of the "if only's", and get on with whatever you need to do to get things right. Go after what you want in life, with all the blessings of all the people who care about you. And find out what making your wishes come true really feels like.

Marie ~

[Juniper]

I am in a similar situation--I just broke off my engagement with my boyfriend of 4 years. We were supposed to be married in Puerto Rico at the end of January, but in the months before the wedding I started to get more and more depressed and anxious. I felt like I was making a huge mistake!

My fiance saw how upset I was and agreed we had to call off the wedding, but now we are still living together. He says he understands we will have to break up eventually, since I have already said I don't want to marry him, but in the meantime he says he is happy just being with each other and that I should stay until I figure out what I want to do next. But I feel that I have to move out. Staying with him is only giving him false hope. I'm so sad and I feel so horribly guilty about the whole thing. What can I do? I will have to move out of his apartment. How do you even DO that? Should he arrange to be gone that weekend?

I am 32, and now that we're breaking up, I feel panicked. Did I just waste 4 years by staying in the wrong relationship too long? I always felt, since the beginning, that we probably weren't right for each other (different goals in life, different life stages; he is 13 yrs older) but I just wanted it to work so badly because I loved him so much.

I am so sad that this relationship is going to end, and so hopeless about the future. I don't want to go back on the dating scene. My friends are all married and I feel like a big failure. What if I never find the right man and never get to have kids??

[want2bamom]

I am not really sure that you are asking for advice, and I am sure that I am not the only bad story gone good, but I would like to share anyway and maybe give you hope.
Please be prepared this could be LONG!

I dated a man off and on for 4 yrs. I hoped that he was the one but after 2 yrs I really probably knew better. He was divored and had an adorable, beautiful redheaded little girl. He had a house in a small town not far from here, so it wasn't like he lived with me, but pretty much. Anyway, He left me an Easter Bunny in his work van and called and told me about it, being nosy, I noticed a baby picture of this cute blonde headed blue eyed baby boy. About 6 months old. Yes, he forgot to tell me he had gotten his roomate pregnant. I immediatly kicked him out. He showed up 6 month later with a engagement ring and his little boy. YES

:eek: I took him back. He moved in with me permanetly and we had his children every other weekend. 1 one weekend one the other the next weekend. He lived with me for about a year, during the first 6mo, he split all bills and expenses, the next six months work was slow and he could afford to give me much if anything.(so he said) Well a mutual friend overheard him telling someone about the house that he had bought for him and the sons mommy. WELL, the guys had a ski trip planned for the next weekend, so I didn't say a word about what I knew, and that weekend went and picked up bridal magazines and pictures of wedding stuff, and had it setting all on the table when he got back from his trip. I wanted to talk about marriage, I thought it was about time to set a date etc.. after a year of being engaged. Imagine that he did not want to talk. I confronted him about buying the house and never really wanting to marry me etc. He finally fessed up. I ask him to leave and never come back. When I was at work he was welcome to come in the house and get his stuff. He had a week to get it all out.!! yes I was a nice person!!
I knew he would steal or hurt any of my things, but he had to do it while I was at work, even though he had hurt me I steal wasn't ready to deal with it.
Without the help of my two dearest female friends, I do not know how I would have made it. Everyday, they made me do something with them, even if it was just come to there house for dinner. About 6 months later, he called and wanted to meet, the would was beginning to heal, but I agreed to meet him, he was still gorgeous and said all of the things I wanted and wanted to hear, but I really was beginning to heal and go tocounseling and realize that I was a better person than that and that I would rather be alone the rest of my life than be with someone who really didn't love me and could screw and get pregnant another women at the same time he was professing his love to me and then buy this women a home. I walked away from that meeting with my head held high and beyond determined to have a wonderful life of my own.

About 6 month later so a year after the FINAL break up I met my boyfriend. We dated for about 6 months, I knew I had found the man of my dreams and was sorry it had taken so long, but I also knew I had not wasted any of my time in dating others, because boy did I learn what to look for, what I would and would not put up with etc..... after dating a 1 1/2 he asked me to marry him. We have been married almost two years. The only thing I would change is my age, so I would be able to spend a lot more years with him, but nothing else, because we were so different when we were younger, we would never have been able to date, we would have killed one another.

So if anything, keep you friends and family close to you, make them entertain you to get your mind of the situation, and hold your head up, MR PERFECT/Right does exist.
Also, after he left for the last time with all of his stuff, I spent the whole weekend cleaning my house from top to bottom, boxed all of our pictures, all of our notes, his gifts, anything that would remind me, and I rearranged and cleaned it all out!. That felt good in itself.
I hope that wasn't TMI and hope you can get a few ideas of thing to help you through.

[Juniper]

Thanks so much for writing a reply. Your response does give me hope!

It is just so hard to leave a relationship after having invested so much time in it, and when you really love the person. No relationship is perfect and that's why I think I have hung on to this one so long, thinking that it probably is the best I can do.

My ex-fiance really hasn't done anything to hurt me as yours so clearly did. It's more a matter of me just not being happy. I feel trapped in the relationship. He has a lot of debt and a stepson with special needs, who takes up a lot of our time and energy. I would like to buy a house and travel, and we wouldn't have the money to do that. Also, he doesn't really want to have more children, and I want kids (I've never had any). I feel guilty abandoning him and his son, but I just feel I would be sacrificing my dreams if I stay.

It's so hard to realize that even if you love someone, sometimes it just doesn't work out.

I hope that I can make it through the breakup and find someone else like you did! Thanks so much for your story and your advice!

[want2bamom]

Good Morning Juniper and Chelleypie (if your still with us)


How are you holding up today?

Hope everything is going ok for you and that you are still hanging on. If you want to write about whats going on, keep us informed, if not, just check in every once in a while so we know how you are.

Keep your head up, each day does get easier. Remember I am living proof. I am older than you and found one of the best men in the world and am working on having children, so its NEVER too late.
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