Am I ready?

[HeavenLeigh]

Tommy mentioned something last night......marriage. He said he wanted to get married and wasn't too pleased when I said "To who?"
He has made a complete turn around since summer. He has his check mailed directly to me. Never questions me on what I do with the money and helps me in every way possible. I'm not sure what I would have done this past week if it weren't for his help.
He still has his "mommy" relapses but for the most part he's off the breast.
Ever since the last episode, when we broke up....I can't even remember what it was over I have considered myself 1/2way single. I have thought about going out w/ other guys and have chatted w/ guys on the net but something has held me back. We have spent just about every waking moment together since we patched up the last ordeal. I couldn't imagine my life without him but am not ready to imagine my life with him as in marriage. KWIM?
I know I'm not ready to tie the knot but am I ready to 'date' him again? :huh:

[yonksgirl]

Go for it girl! You guys sound like my husband and I we broke up 3 times then we finally got married! He is the best thing that has ever happened to me! i do not know every thing that happened between you guys but it sounds like to me that you are both still in love so stop thinking with your mind and start thinking with your heart!!;) :D ;)

[Neneuu]

I say go for it, but with your eyes wide open. You don't want to fall for the same 'ol same ol', but at the same time you probably need to 'see' if it can work out... and if it does great, but if not then you'll know and can move on completely, yk? No wondering what could of been.

[Deana]

If you are questioning it at all, I'd take that as a red flag. Are you questioning if you are ready to date, period or ready to date Tommy? And I guess I'm confused... he's talking marriage, and you aren't really dating... but he's giving you his paycheck? :confused: Maybe you two are destine to get married and have a life together; maybe you are just suppose to be friends and always be involved in each other's life that way. I have seen people become great friends with former lovers... they love the person but can't be in a relationship with them. If what you two are doing right now is working, I'd say leave well enough alone. If you are uncertain or there are big trust issues, I'd give it time. Every couple has their issues and you and Tommy will too. But why rush into something if you aren't absolutely certain?

You know I want the very best for you.

[jana]

I think I know you well enough to say that you're one smart cookie and you should feel safe listening to your instincts. You've known when something was up (with him and with others) before, and you're strong and don't put up with anybody's bullshit.

Sounds like things are pretty positive right now. If your gut tells you this is something you want to go for, I agree with Neneuu --just keep your eyes wide open and see if it can work out. He should know better than to mess up again.

Deana also has a good point. If you're questioning it now, pay attention to that.

(Btw, I lmao at the "off the breast" comment!)

[Mel-icious]

I'm confused, you aren't even "dating" and he's handing over his checks? :scratch: Why is he having his checks mailed to you? I guess I don't get this part of the whole deal.

I say take it very slowly, remember this on again off again isn't only confusing to you, but must be to Darek. Unless Tommy never left than he may not even know what has been going on. Okay, I officially have no clue what the hell I'm saying.

So refer to D's post. :D

[lovebug]

I am glad that things seem better between you guys but dont rush this!! It takes a long time and I mean a long time for someone to change. There is no reason for you guys to rush into marriage or even get totally back together yet. With all that has happened take it at a snails pace.

[HeavenLeigh]

Thanks girls :) Everyone has made such good points. Ya'll are the 'bestest' ever :D

Tommy has his check mailed to me (as described by him) because he knows I'm having a hard time. I had everything budgeted and planned but a few unexpected things popped up......the washer tore up, I completely forgot about property taxes being due in Dec., the whole INS ordeal, not being able to return to work and/or get paid temp disablity, etc... He says I have always been there for him in every way imaginable and even if he made a million dollars a day he could never repay me for my love.

He has been so great and such a big help. He takes every minute of overtime so he can "help" with my bills. He says he wants to take care of me and Darek and that he loves us very much.

I try to give him his own money and he won't take it. Tonight his Mom called for the 2nd time :rolleyes: and he told her that he was here to spend time with me and he would have to talk to her later :eek:

I'm very happy with him and the way things are going........I'm just scared when things are too good to be true, they usually are :confused:

[Margarita]

I think you should just keep taking it slow. There's no rush. You need to be completely secure in your relationship with him before making any commitments, even just officially dating. If he truly loves you; he'll wait. Goodness knows he's put you through enough all this time.

[HeavenLeigh]

You're right Margs + the others :D

After much consideration I'm keeping my options open.
I have gave it until March. That will be our 2year "anniversary". If things are still going well then we'll talk about becoming a couple. If things are still going well by mid summer I'll consider getting engaged.........and it will be at least a one year engagement. If things go rocky (besides the normal couple problems) then it's adios!

[stills_stinks]

okay a mans take here if you will .
he needs to be fully winned from mommy first apron strings cut ect .
then may be start dating from there .
i know my ex never cut the strings we broke up many times in 5 years datin i the end after 19 maried it was mommy and her never cutting string that helped lead to the death of our marrage i know now i will never settal for any one less then what i want both head and heart have to be there or later days as i never want to go threw what i have nor at my age put my kids or any one others threw it again but hey i am a man what do i know right ;)

[Country1969]

Marry him. Life is too short to wait. My wife and I waited for about 7 years before getting married. Been with her for about 9 years. People asked us why we waited so long. We told them that we wanted to make sure we were right for each other. Nobody really knows that for sure... I can tell you that from experience. You take it from day to day. If it is meant to be forever, it will. Don;t mess around and wait too long. Cause maybe this guy who is sweet and caring will be scooped up by someone else.
Believe me, my wife and I never fought we went got together, but wehen we moved in together after a short while dating each other, you find each other annoying at times. the fighting begins. I've been told that we will have fights and our fairy tale way of living will not last long.

But, let me tell you this. I love my wife alot. This is coming from me:Fights are another way of talking to each other and expressing yourself to each other - another way of saying, chatting and spending time together without really thinking about it- Many of us married couple spend a few hours a day with their other half if we are lucky. My wife works 10pm-6:30am now. and I sleep alone for 5 nights a week. Pretty lonely at times. So I appreciate the time we have with each other.