Ready for marriage?

[Bill2425]

Hi,

Recently, I ran into a sort of depression/anxiety state of mind. I think I'm getting better, but I've come to question everything in my life. Being on my own scares me. I just turned 24. I've been with my girlfriend for over 4 years now. We've always talked about marriage and kids, and never scared me. Now it does. Will I be happy? Is this just part of the anxiety that I've recently came across.

I've always been happy, but lately I've been irriatable and agitated over small things.

Please advise.

[Csara]

Hi. It's hard to say a lot considering I don't know anything about you or your situation, but I wanted you to know that it's totally normal to have fear and anxiety about major changes in your life and growing up, etc. However, if it is really affecting your life in that it's making you depressed and irritable and making you question everything, perhaps you should seek some professional guidance. There is nothing wrong with talking to a counselor or a doctor about these feelings/worries you are having. Unfortunately no one else can tell you if you will be happy or not. That is something only you can figure out for yourself. I hope you are able to get some answers. Good luck and feel free to keep posting on this topic or anywhere else on the board. Welcome to HT. :)

[yonksgirl]

Csara gave you some good advice! And welcome

[Tigerlily]

I agree with what Csara said, and I also think that you should not feel like you have to rush into any committments right now, you're still young! The more pressured you feel, the more unhappy you may be, especially in the long run. You have plenty of future ahead of you; you may want to take this time to explore yourself, and your freedom before settling down. I'm not suggesting splitting up (especially since I don't know you!), just try and explore your options while still enjoying each other! And talking to a counselor, along with openly communicating to your girlfriend wouldn't hurt either!:)

[Sexy Strawberry]

I'm 18 and I've never been in your situation so I guess that my advice doesn't count that much but I just wanted to say that your feelings are pretty normal. We all worry and feel scared when we face new situations.
Anyway, nobody can tell if they will be happy with their marriage. Otherwise there wouldn't be any divorces ;). I also agree that you shouldn't rush, you're very young. However, I don't think you need to ask a professional unless you feel very very anxious.

[FarmGirl]

Feeling anxiety could be something as simple as a chemical imbalance in your brain, and have absolutly nothing to do with your girlfriend or your life... it happens all the time, but people tend to put it off as stress in their lives.

I would seek professional help, and even take your girlfriend along if you want. Most insurance companies will even pick up the tab on that sort of thing, since it can help to prevent future problems. There's nothing wrong with talking to a neutral party about yourself, it can actually feel very refreshing... you can tell them stuff you normally wouldn't talk about.

Don't let it get you down... you'll be able to work it out! :D

Keep posting, and let us know how you're doing!

[Bill2425]

I've been questioning every decision I've had to make. Things as little as what to eat for dinner.

Also, I tend to fear going on trips, and I used to love going on trips. Being trapped on a plane, trapped on the trip, etc scare me.

I haven't enjoyed the things I once enjoyed, and am always worrying if I'm wasting my time. Not sure what I am going through, I just want to be carefree and happy again.

Any suggestions?

[FarmGirl]

Go see a doctor, a medical doctor, not a psychiatrist - it sounds more like a chemical imbalance then anything else. Sometimes a major change in your life will cause it, or even a small change can cause it... its no big deal at all. :D

[Bill2425]

How long do chemical imbalances last? I'm feeling pretty good tonight.

[Deana]

Originally posted by Bill2425
How long do chemical imbalances last? I'm feeling pretty good tonight.
That's the reason that most people don't talk to a dr about it... b/c they feel horrible one moment and better the next. The highs contribute to the lows and vice-versa.
It's really natural to go through something like this.

I'd talk to either a therapist or a dr about it. BTW, a psychiatrist is an MD, so they would be able to both counsel you and prescribe medication if that was something you were in need of and willing to try. Psychiatrists generally bill more per hour than other drs (such as a family practicioner), psychologists and therapists. Most insurance covers the cost though.

Best of luck, and keep us posted.

[yonksgirl]

Just wait a couple of days. That is the thing about chemical imbalances You feel happy one day like everything is finr and then BAM you feel bad again like a rollercoater except you can not get off it! I hope you do stay feeling happy Good luck!

[HeavenLeigh]

Trouble making decisions, fear of getting out, irritation, and apprehension are all signs of anxiety/depression. You're not the only one. I recently started taking Lexapro and it seems to have helped some. Don't be ashamed. Depression is a disease, like diabetes and cancer. Go to your doctor and explain to him/her and get yourself all better! Good luck.

[angelrenee]

I definitely agree with everyone that you should seek someone to talk to about this. Depression can come and go, which as has been stated, is why a lot of people don't seek help. The thing is that any time it starts to interfere with your life, and from the sound sof it this is, you shouldn't just hope it goes away.

As for how long it lasts, that's hard to say. For some people it's only a few months or maybe a year or two of talk therapy and maybe a drug to get through. For others, it's a lifelong thing that they will always need treatment for, but it's no worse than having the given example of diabetes. It doesn't make you any less of a person, just different. Like diabetes, though, it can be dangerous to self diagnose and self medicate, so seek help if you can.

The main point is that you shouldn't have to feel this way. It's not normal if it's interfering with your life. Seeking treatment is the best thing you can do for yourself right now and in no way does it make you weak or wrong or broken. Think of it as getting a really nasty pnemonia or something - you'd treat that, so treat this.

Good luck in moving forward. I have all the confidence in the world that you'll be alright.

[Bill2425]

Yeah, the more I think about it, I was mixing up a feeling of being scared of being on my own, which isn't good when you are panicking, etc, with fear of not being happy one day.

You think?

Feeling good with reservations today (meaning worrying about feeling bad again).

When you don't know why you were feeling a certain way, you kind of wonder if you will feel that way again, you know?

[Country1969]

I'd been with my girlfriend for 7 1/2 years before we got married.
We always talked about getting married but we wanted to make sure that it would work out and not be one of those 6 months- 1 year thing. We had many problems over the years that put our marriage on hold. One was money. We then decided on a simply J.O.P. wedding -best man and maid of honor only. But it didn't excatly happened that way but we did get married.
When we met we were crazy about each other and we moved in right away in an apartment. So we knew each others likes and dislikes,bad habits,ways of doing things. So after living at home with mom and dad and my wife doing the same, we started lving together. But soon you learn to deal with it.

I am 34 now and my wife is 31. I always thought that I would be alone. Never knew when I was going to leave my parents house. It wasn't that they wanted me to pick up and leave it was always up to me and was glad that I found someone to share the chance to do so with. I wasn't scared of leaving. I was scared of staying. I needed to get out on my own and start a family of my own before I got to old.

My wife and I talked about kids and I always said someday. Meaning, lets put it on hold until we are really ready. We had a baby boy about 4 1/2 years ago. He was not planned. When we found out (with a home test) we were so happy. We started calling people and setting up appointments. It really changed our lives. Some days go by and I wonder what it would been like not to have anyone like my son to talk too or play with or just hang out watch tv together. He made our lives so happy. I could kill him at times,but we love him.


Scared? It might be because you think time is running out.
If you and girlfriend are truely meant to be together , you both will be happy together but take your time on rushing into marriage. Talk to her about this stuff,dont hold back. Maybe she feels the same way.

Things do tend to change after marriage. You do fight more than you did when she was just your girlfriend. It's normal. My wife and I never fought when we dating and we moved in the fighting started. But we NEVER went to bed mad.

So why should anyone be worried. It drove my wife to see a shrink. She would be happy one minute and the next a total nut case. Throwing things at me,yelling screaming,crying. The next day she would be fine. Then one day after many sessions and weeks, she began to change back into being a happy girl like the day I met her. Sommetimes the pressure build up from a job or family could make a person change (snap) over night.

Talk to your girlfriend about this. She is on your side. You may not think so but she is. Don't shut her out.

[Bill2425]

Great post,

It's awesome knowing that you have someone who loves you so much! I love her to death, I think that is what scares me. I just hit the age where you start to fear your own decisions, as my life seems to be transitioning before my eyes. I see myself as different then I was, and didn't even realize it.

When I think about waking up, having coffee, reading the paper, it scares me to death. But, i will get over it I guess. Through these posts, I realize I fear just getting older than anything else. I was always shy and laid back in high school, so I kinda started living my life at 19, now that I'm 24, I feel like that every decision that I make counts, where as before, if I spent $1000 on a new computer, who cares. When I go out to concerts with my friends, and blow money, who cares. Now it's like, I don't really want to do all of that stuff, but want to want to. You know what I mean. I'm changing faster than I should I guess. Something got into me. Mood swings suck. One minute, I think let me buy this DVD with some Christmas money, then the next day, I think, that is stupid, I wont watch it....stuff like that. Sounds crazy eh?

[Country1969]

No. Because I say that too. "I want to buy this" and 1 hour later just forget about it I will get it another time and I don't.
Believe me, when I was younger I was just like that. Spend the money on this and that. Price never mattered. As I got older, I realized that I had to start saving money for things. And I still do. Since we have our own house, I need money in case of things breaking, I am in more control now than I was. I need too be.
I have a family and a house. Car problems is another. Many times we had to have the car in the garage for repairs. It sets you back.

One day you sit back and think,'What happened to all those years? It just seemed like yesterday when you were in school. And now I have a son going to school too kindergarten this August. Time does not stand still.

When I reached the age of 30 about 4 years old. I started feeling sad thinking about what will happened 10 years from now when I reach 40. It's really scarey. But I am over that as of now. Being 35 years old this June, makes me think how lucky I am to have my own family and not wait. Being too young to get married and have a family is not the truth. I always looked up to my friends with getting different girls and having sex with everyone. Today, you can not do that. Too many diseases. But just like many young people (guys and girls do) they want to be free and be with different people. They want freedom. They want to experience with others. They will learn like I did. Life is too short to play around with.

You will make good decisions and you will make bad ones. It's part of life. Your girlfriend might be the one for you and she might not. Only time will tell. The worst part of any relationship that falls apart is the time spent wasted on the time spent making it work.
I mean you could break up with someone and you still had the best years of your life to remember them by.But you have too start over with someone new. It really sucks.
I really never made a bad decision in life. I thought things out before I took action.

You say you love her to death. Does she feel the same about you? Or is it that she is still finding herself also? Does she know what she wants in life too? Does she feel scared at times not knowing what 5 years down the line will become for her?

We are not concern about going out to parties,dancing or movies like we used to. We rather spend time in our home. We have a 60"widescreen and home theater system in a nice size room. A cozy area to watch movies instead of going out. We have our computers to do our work/play on. I do home improvements around the house since we bought it. I am happy to do so. I want to make it into a home for all of us.

Many people tell us that we act like an old married couple sitting home every night. I tell them that we are happy and we enjoy our home. We use to go to the local bar/rest. just around the corner from us. Since we bought the house we stopped. Can't afford to be youngesters anymore. Responbilites come first. WE both knew that and we expected it. We are not broke but we know how to handle our money and we still buy things.

So don't be afraid. You will see things one way and the next minute a different way. You will feel fine one day and the next you will want to stay in bed.

I always wanted to start my own business so I didn't have to work for someone else all my life. I had many ideas but I could never get them started. My friends(co-workers) were talking about how someday our boss( owner of the sporting goods store (hunting and fishing) might be giving the business up in years to come because this hunting and fishing spprt is tough business and he wants to retire. Only having 4 workers, that run the whole store, they were talking about being employee oiwned someday. I mean maybe the 4 of us would take over as partners and run the business the way we want too. We are work together now to keep this place going. We were joking (thinking) about how we would change things. It really sounded good.
We will see what will happen in a few years time. Maybe my boss will go ahead and go thru his retirement and sell the business to us.