need to talk

[br0ken]

lots on my mind no one to really talk to. is this the place? i just did a search and this came up. i have alot to unload and need objective people...

please help

i'm
br0ken

[yonksgirl]

I will and I am sure everyone else will try to help. Welcome!

[br0ken]

hi yonksgirl and thank you for your reply.

pt 1

i have quite a long history but i'm going to try and condense and skip around for starters so here goes...

i started started a relationship some 5-6 years ago. i got involved not too long after my ex wife left me for something else. i never looked at it as a rebound but i guess by now i have to admit that it may have been.

in short, i do not know what exactly attracted me to her initially other than i didn't want to be alone and in fact she was attractive and we had good conversation. she is not the typical women i have been involved with in the past in fact she is a lot different. but given my failed marriage i guess trying something completely different sounded good to me. so one thing led to another and we started dating. as you know things go decently in the beginning although I have to say that we didn't have a whole of common interests like movies, music but yet we did like dining out and other things like dancing and so forth. so the relationship evolved and of course lots of sex.

I have my own house and she would visit me on the weekends or we would go out when she had a baby sitter for her son who was 4/5 at the time we met or if he went to his dad's for the weekend. This went on for a while. After awhile and we were "comfortable" with the relationship like all couples we began to have arguments about things and/or disagreements. They became worse each time I suppose because we are both stubborn and bullheaded and never want to give in. But mostly we try to get our point across to the the other person.
This went on like this for a while I suppose.

We have always seen thing differently and we were raised differently or brought up different in some respects. As our fights became more argumentative and hurtful they became more vocal and hurtful I guess you can say. 2 years into the relationship we were on the outs the very outs to the point of breaking up for good. Oh we have said it before but we always ended up patching things up. But this time was different we found out she was pregnant. I have to honestly admit in the beginning I was totally against it. Simply because I was just out of a divorce, struggling financially from the divorce plus I had a daughter who I love very much from the marriage and I just had all these feelings about it. In hindsight I was more scared what my parents would say when they found out. Anyway, I argued til I was blue in the face but she was adament on having our child. She gave me the alternative to walk away and never come back. But as a man I couldn't do that - no way!

We took some time apart for me to figure out what I wanted to do and how to tell my parents. She was only mere weeks anyways. Long story short I told my folks they were pissed in the beginning but we had a beautiful daughter who I love very much and as my other daughter means the world to me.

Ok I'm babbalin' on here - sorry.

Ok so speed up to today. We live together our daughter is 3 now and crazy as ever just like me! LOL

The problems are still there, arguing, see things differently and so to the point that we barley talk, no sex life, she's very unhappy and so am I. I don't believe there is love left for either of us, although neither of us would admit it to one another. I think and so does she, that we would be better apart or at least thats what I think. In Dec she was going to move out and all I could think of was losing another daughter who I had become used to living with me. (my other is part time now).

So I persuaded her to wait till after the holidays and my brother and sister in law intervened and had us talk etc etc but the underlying problems are still there plus I think resentment for alot of things from the past. Anyway I'm fed up with everything and there is too much to tell here. I think she maybe too but NEITHER of us wants to be the bad person and say ok its done, I'm leaving etc etc. So what are some things I can do to help me move forward because right now I'm going no where and am just miserable?!?

Like I said there's alot here and much more to it. I'm leaving out alot but hope its a start to get my head clear and move forward. I want 04 to be a great year and this is an albatross around my neck and I feel really bad for saying or admitting it but it is.

I'm,
br0ken

[yonksgirl]

It sounds like to me you need marriage counseling! I know you are not married but close enough. If you really want to work it out I feel you two need to comunicate more the seems to be a break down there stop fighting and talk like adults that is all I can tell you. I know every time my husband and I fight it is because we did not comunicate our feelings at that point and time.

I wish you luck it will not be easy but if you can salvage your relationship it will be worth it! :hug:

[br0ken]

i figured you would say that. we have tried that. our problems are only masked for a while then come back stronger.

i read a book this weekend on relationships. not that i belive but its a book that compares you astrological sign with all others and lists every relationship possible and i read what it says about us and its right on the point. everyone. basically...were not compatible.

[angbuno]

living in the same house may not be an option. You two have one very clear thing in common and that is the daughter you share together. It's not fare for her to have her parents constantly fighting. You may get along better if you two aranged something that you could live seperatly but share custody of your daughter. Be friends for your daughters sake but thats it. Talk to a counselor to help you come to agreement on the situation. Life is to short to live it being misrable. good luck and hope everything works out for you

[br0ken]

i agree your 100% right our daughter is the most important thing. we have even made that clear that its not healthy for her to see us bicker and we try not to do it it although sometimes the emotions take over.

we both have even said that its not good. but it feels like were waiting for the other person to say ok its over. so how do i begin the process of ending it?

[rdy2rac with]

If it feels like your both waiting for the other to say it then the only way to start the process is for someone to say it. Be the one who says it.