Family Concerns

[nana]

I am starting to get really concerned. I am so excited that I am moving back to Texas. I will be closer to my fiance and closer to all of my friends. But, I will also be closer to my family. Lets just say I don't have a normal family. I really don't like or get along with my step dad. I love my mom...but she drives me crazy. She thinks she has failed me and always tell me how sorry she was for being such a bad mother.....WHICH DRIVES ME CRAZY! :mad: I am who I am because of her, good or bad. I haven't turned out bad...I went to college, have a master's degree, I am marrying the man of my dreams, and we will be very happy and successful life together.

My mom had me when she was 19. Had two more kids, got a divoce and married my step dad and then had three more kids. I had to grow up quickly and I have always been a very independent child/person. So when I graduated high school and moved out and went to college. For the past 8 years, the closest I have lived is 3 hours away....and I liked it. Now, I will be 15 mins away and living with my DF parents (my mom's not happy about that either). I just don't know how I am going to be able to handle my family on a daily basis. The holidays and a few weekends are hard enough on me.

Anyone else have a similar situation? I am such at a loss! :(

[tifferoo]

Well Nana,

I live with my mom and she drives me crazy too! I love her to death but I can't wait until I get married to get away. Luckily I don't have a step father but there have been times when my mom was involved with someone who I didn't care for and I for the most part just stayed away from her unless she called upon me or she decided to visit me.

I think that since you are an adult, you have every right to live where ever you like with whom ever you like and the best your mom can do is accept it. If she doesn't know your true feelings about your step father, maybe you can tell her in a nice way that you don't think living with her and step father would be a good living arrangement and that your in-laws have more space and peace in their home. I would also tell her that you are using this time to bond with df's family. I think it is great!

[Margarita]

Ugh, I feel for ya. I can't relate on the closeness, but I know how hard it can be. My mom deals with that with her parents. They are only a few blocks away, which is too close for comfort for sure.

Just remember that just because you live that close doesn't mean you have to deal with/see your family every single day. You all have your own lives and need to keep some amount of separation. Best of luck!

[rdy2rac with]

Originally posted by Margarita
Just remember that just because you live that close doesn't mean you have to deal with/see your family every single day. You all have your own lives and need to keep some amount of separation.

Agreed, totally! We live 6 blocks from my in-laws & if it wasn't for the fact tha his mom watches Roni while I work we wouldn't see them nearly as often as we do now. Not that we don't like them but we (my hubby & I) have very busy lives.

Just try not to stress about it until the situation presents itself.

[Deana]

Are you worried that they will just come over a lot, that they will expect a lot from you (meaning your time... "oh she lives here now, so we can have dinner once a week and church and shopping every single sunday for the rest of her life"), or just the general proximity making you leary?

My dad and stepmom live here (about 20 minutes from our house) and they are very respectful of our life. They're great. My sister however is thinking of moving to TX, and in the same part of town as where we live. THIS makes me very nervous b/c I think she will expect to be able to pop over whenever she wants if she lives here (NOT gonna work for me).

I think, like the others have said, wait for a situation to present itself and then draw out some boundries. You and your DF are going to be building your life together, your family unit, and that's the priority.

[Mrs. July]

I can relate to your situation in reverse. My dad actually lives in a guest house on the back of our property and it took a while to define our bounderies, but it has worked out fine. My in-laws aren't too happy about it because they believe my dad is freeloading, which he's not, and DH has had to remind them repeatedly that our arrangement with him is none of their business. I also think they're jealous of DH's close relationship with my dad, which they had long before he came to live with us.

Not that it should matter, but has your mother told you why she objects to you and DF living with his parents? Maybe she's afraid you will come to favor your FMIL over her?:huh:

[Dovechild20]

I think im on the opposite end of the spectrum to which i have never lived close to alot of family before, all of my family is spread out.

I think that it will be a hairy situation at first, but u will soon adapt to being around your family like that and even come to prefer it, maybe. I think the fact that you grew up so independent and that your mother keeps "apologizing" for herself will lend an opportunity to strengthen ties and thas ALWAYS good.