Division of Labor

[MeatBall]

Hi - while we are thinking about getting a maid, I am curious about division of labor...
I do:
most cooking
most cleaning kitchen
most shopping
loading/unloading dishwasher
vacuuming
some errands
share cleaning litte boxes
most maintenance of outdoor space...

Wife does:
most cleaning
laundry- machine and folding
changing bedding
swiffer
bathrooms
some errands

She thinks I don't realize how much she does around the house.... and I don't think she realizes my side either...

So, what am missing?

[meliz]

Just as it should be, it seems to me that you all have divvied tasks fairly... but this begs the question as to why your wife feels she is doing the lion's share? Might this be a good discussion for you two to have?

So I assume you do not want a maid? My personal thinking is this... if your wife feels overwhelmed by the housework (regardless of how you guys divvy it up), if you guys can swing it financially, and if you're not keen on taking on more jobs or too heart broken at the loss of doing certain taks (haha), why not go for a maid? It will ease the tension that exists between you re: housework, it will give you more time for each other, and it will help your local economy too. Just an idear...

[MeatBall]

Meliz~
Just the opposite! I've been trying to get a maid for 2 years! We both work full time, and it wasn't so bad with a smaller apartment. Now that we have slightly longer commutes each way and my wife is working longer hours, more stuff waits for the weekend, at which point my wife is overwhelmed.
Now she's the one who raised the maid topic up recently, only I have to find one (and pay for the service).
On a side note, I offered to do some of the laundry and help out with other cleaning, but she got a little defensive. Kind of one of those no win situations....my work does offer more stable hours, so I usually have time to get my chores done so it's not taking up a full day on the weekend (even though the yard and garage tend to take up a full am or pm each weekend).
Anyone have any pointers? It's just us and three cats ...she wants a dog, and eventually kids...if we cant do it now, what would change to make it easier with future additions?

[meliz]

Just the opposite! I've been trying to get a maid for 2 years!
LOL. Dear gawd man, go for it!

As for pointers.. I have none. And talk about the proverbial black pot... We have no kids, and no pets, and (sadly) no real lives outside of work... and we live in a perpetual pig sty. I am pretty sure that if we had the mullah we'd have a maid before you could say Mr. Clean.

As for the no-win situation... I can rather understand. I hate doing laundry... but the only thing I hate more is the way HUB does my laundry (ie no regard for separation of colours, inability to comprehend that my fat jeans DO NOT go in the dryer etc.). Our compromise is he does his laundry, I do mine. This actually works well for us.. but there are few tasks that can be so easily divided...

[Turtleheadfred]

You know what it is MeatBall?... okay, obviously you don't so let me help you....

No matter what (and I may get disagrees with here) somewhere inside a lot of us feel like we SHOULD be able to do it all without help. The fact that you help so much is wonderful, but it could be that your wife feels guilty that she can't handle more herself. We want to be able to provide a wonderful home for our families - at least I know I do. And when I feel like I somehow fail at that (and even though I know it's not really FAILING) I feel this internal guilt. It's silly I know, but it's still there. Maybe she somehow feels like it's somehow indicative that she's not capable of doing things correctly so not only have you had to help out, but now you're going to get a maid too! Great - someone else in her house!

I may be completely wrong, but some open and honest communication between the two of you can only help with this. Reassure her that she's doing a fantastic job and you only want to make things easier so that she and you can both relax and enjoy your time off and each other instead of always working either outside or inside of the home. Listen really close and see if you pick up indications that she is feeling accused of being incapable --- even though that's not at ALL what you're doing.

Again, I could be completely wrong, but I know I have a tendency to feel that way so maybe she does too! Plus if I had a maid, I'd be wanting to clean the house up before they came so they wouldn't think I was a bad housekeeper! Go figure!:D

[MeatBall]

Turtle......fred.
What does the name mean?
I'll tell you mine...it's actually my motorcycle's name from the series Black Sheep Squadron - Robert Conrad's good/bad terms of endearment, as well as Archie Bunker's infamous Yous Meatball!
Points well taken! To me, laundry is laundry, but now that you mention it, my wife is very particular about the way her clothes are cleaned, folded, and put away. The anxst when I suggested a new dry cleaner!
We bought the place last year, and she has been on a tear to make it a "HOME" ~ not just an apartment....so, she has been spending extra time painting....part of the problem is I don't really care about what colors....or what shade of colors or what shade of shade of shade of color, but I do appreciate the results...damn those home improvement shows that make it seem like ANYTHING can be made over in two days!
She (and I) jump through hoops making sure the house is spotless ANY time someone comes over, so your point about precleaning for the maid is right on. (I actually know a few people that do exactly that!)
Maybe I should try to do a stealth calendar and tie it into more bulk cooking. On a side note, I've gone from 205 to 175 since I have taken over cooking and meal planning in December. No more take out ~ and low carb, lots of salads and veggies. My wifes version of meal planning was pizza or take-out...no more!

[Turtleheadfred]

Hi there again! The name for me? Well, when I was a little girl, my mom's nickname for me was Turtle... then the rest of it just sort of seemed to flow. (Wierd I know, but it just seemed to so I went with it - figured noone else would have it!:D )

Yes, my hubby is the same way with color... white works for him... or any shade thereof. Past that, he doesn't care. And as long as stuff gets done... he doesn't care. Women are just different about things - God's little joke on us all to make things interesting!

Sounds like maybe you've got some ideas so good luck with it all. Like I said, trying to understand and a little insight will go a long way for you! Hope it all works out! And congrats on the weight loss! I don't cook at all but we're never home together so it's just never been necessary! Yeah for me!;)

[Photobrat]

Wow! At least you do some "things" around the house. Does your wife work outside the house? I think it's great that you help out. Do you guys have kids?

My husband thinks he's exempt from doing anything around the house lol! I guess he has a right though. He gets up and out of the house by 5:00am and doesn't get home till 7:00pm. He is a lawyer and owns his own firm, so I know he works hard. He totally takes care of me and our two kids (his step-children) with no complaint, so I take care of all the housework. I feel that is the only way I can give back to him -- doing things like that. I love doing it though...he deserves it! We've been together 8 years and I still lay his clothes out every night before bed. I still "pull the bed down" and fluff his pillow every night. I even put his sweatsuit out for when he gets home from work. It's funny, our employees say they know when I'm out of town, because he just can't seem to match up his clothes lol!

On the weekends, I will draw a bath for him and give him a pedicure...I love taking care of him!!

If you're thinking of hiring a maid, be sure to do a CBI report or background check. We've had several maids...all male and a few worked out (this was when I had back surgery), but one of them turned out to be a total drunk and addict -- but darn, he was good at what he did.

Now, I hired a girl last week to help about 10 hours a week...I met her at my yardsale and she is working for one of my neighbors. Anyway, we ran a check on her and she had a rap sheet 10 pages long...no kidding! We decided to give her a chance anyway, and sure enough, last wednesday, she cleaned my son's playroom and threw away most of his lego's and bionicles, army toys, calculater, silverware, and a lot more. Luckily, she had left a bag of trash outside my door and I saw trash in it, but also some of the legos...so I went through all the trash and couldn't believe my eyes. She even threw away my decorating books and letters from my daughter...very weird. Not sure if she was going to take the stuff for herself or what. Needless to say, we fired her two nights ago. I hope she doesn't retaliate.

Anyway, be sure to check...it's not worth taking the chance!!

Take care

[Photobrat]

Wow! At least you do some "things" around the house. Does your wife work outside the house? I think it's great that you help out. Do you guys have kids?

My husband thinks he's exempt from doing anything around the house lol! I guess he has a right though. He gets up and out of the house by 5:00am and doesn't get home till 7:00pm. He is a lawyer and owns his own firm, so I know he works hard. He totally takes care of me and our two kids (his step-children) with no complaint, so I take care of all the housework. I feel that is the only way I can give back to him -- doing things like that. I love doing it though...he deserves it! We've been together 8 years and I still lay his clothes out every night before bed. I still "pull the bed down" and fluff his pillow every night. I even put his sweatsuit out for when he gets home from work. It's funny, our employees say they know when I'm out of town, because he just can't seem to match up his clothes lol!

On the weekends, I will draw a bath for him and give him a pedicure...I love taking care of him!!

If you're thinking of hiring a maid, be sure to do a CBI report or background check. We've had several maids...all male and a few worked out (this was when I had back surgery), but one of them turned out to be a total drunk and addict -- but darn, he was good at what he did.

Now, I hired a girl last week to help about 10 hours a week...I met her at my yardsale and she is working for one of my neighbors. Anyway, we ran a check on her and she had a rap sheet 10 pages long...no kidding! We decided to give her a chance anyway, and sure enough, last wednesday, she cleaned my son's playroom and threw away most of his lego's and bionicles, army toys, calculater, silverware, and a lot more. Luckily, she had left a bag of trash outside my door and I saw trash in it, but also some of the legos...so I went through all the trash and couldn't believe my eyes. She even threw away my decorating books and letters from my daughter...very weird. Not sure if she was going to take the stuff for herself or what. Needless to say, we fired her two nights ago. I hope she doesn't retaliate.

Anyway, be sure to check...it's not worth taking the chance!!

Take care

[Photobrat]

Sorry - I accidentally hit the buttom twice!

[MeatBall]

Wow - all points well taken! Naive me didn't even think of the potential liability of theft ,etc.

[Photobrat]

It sucks that we, society, even have to worry about crap like that. This gal works for one of my neighbors (who is out of town) -- I just wonder how much this woman has taken of theirs?

I still say the "male" maids I've had were better, lol! Besides, with the men, I didn't feel threatened...like, there wasn't another woman in the house -- I would have hated my husband coming home thinking that the "other" woman did a way better job at taking care of the house, lol! I'm a bit possessive!

Have a good day!:p