does anyone else feel like

[maraelise]

their in-laws run their lives

i'm not married (but i might as well be... i'm just not into marriage so let's say domestic partner and be modern) and his parents are nice... so nice, it's too nice. his parents always did everything for him. dad is super-effective ceo type who knows how to do all the "man things" around the house. his mom is one of those uber sahms, who has a solution for every possible domestic problem...

and basically, although my man is verry smart, he lacks most of those practical life skills b/c his mom and dad are always ready to jump on board and do it for him. we've been trying like hell to seperate ourselves from them a bit (just to be our own people), but it's impossible!

i guess there are worse complaints... but i just wonder if anyone else knows what i'm talking about?

[meliz]

Hi Maraelise!

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from! I have dated my share of what I call "Momma's Boys" in my day. Men who are brilliant in many parts of their lives, but who lack certain common/practical sense because mom and dad always took (still to take) care of them. I work in academe, and there a tons of people like that-- smarty pants without two clues about alot of things. Haha. I didn't marry one, but my sis did.:) I love my BIL DEARLY but he fits the bill as you described... or I should say he DID fit that bill. Good news: they are trainable! ;)

My inlaws also have a tendancy to be a tad "too nice" too... usually this manifests itself in them buying us stuff... furniture and electronics... big ticket items we probably wouldn't be in the position to afford right now (or necessarily want. ex. they bought us a nice kitchen table... I appreciate it is a nice table, but it's not me... now I am stuck with a table I don't like and feel guilty about it)... and I know they do it because they are generous, and on a certain level I appreciate it... but it also grates my nerves a bit. I know, lots of people would kill for my "problem"-- but whenever they do stuff like this it feels like they are suggesting we are failures for not having oddles of $ or it makes me feel like a 12 year old, reliant on mom and dad, ya know?

[HeavenLeigh]

Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I have dated my fair share of momma boys. Tommy, God love his heart, is one of them. In a different kind of way. His Mom has never really been a mom per se. He pretty much (with the help of his Granny) raised himself and his brother. He feels he has to help her out, which drives me insane to put it mildly. He has done better in the last long while.......thank God!

[maraelise]

meliz,

thank god they ARE trainable-- this is the thing that keeps me here.. b/c it's actually been one of our biggest relationship strains. not betw. he and i, but more betw. me and the family mentality (which does just put a generic strain on everything).

and the buying stuff-- or just giving us their old stuff, it's so nice on the one hand, and somehow -- it's just more psychological debt than i can handle... but i try to be positive-- as i said, it could be a lot worse... but, that doesn't mean it doesn't simply drive me up the wall

[meliz]

psychological debt

Hahahaha. Great phrase! :)