My best friend is pissed at me

[bangin_blondie]

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Hey every one, My best friend and I are in this fight for the most ****ing dumbest reason ever. he claims I am trying to break him and his ugly ass girl friend up when I never said anything like that. I have been nothing but ****ing nice to him. I treat him with so much respect and I do everything for him even his homework. he always tells me how I am his best friend and like his sister. he also tells me that he loves me so much and would never want to see me hurt. that is all bull shit. the person he is going out wiht is changing his ****ing life and isnt letting him talk to any one besides her. who ever he goes out wiht changes him and he lets them control him so he doesnt loose them, when he does lose them he comes running back to me,a nd I always take him bakc. I hate seeing him hurt, and I hate seeing him unhappy. if you have any suggestions please let me know. :( :mad: :cry:

[meliz]

Hey BB,

This sucks.

A few things I would add here (and please feel free to ignore me).

1. It might be good not to refer to her as his ugly ass girlfriend. :) It's not HER fault that he is a smitten kitten, afterall.

2. For the love of all things holy... stop doing this guy's homework! Be a friend, not a tutor. And stop taking him back. You are showing him this is OK behaviour and it's not. Even if you give him this lesson for a set amount of time.. just to show him that you will not stand to be used like this.

3. Think about your friendship: do you feel more for him that you let on? Maybe you don't want to be his just his "gal pal?? I don't mean to suggest that u feel that way... I know guys and gals can be "just friends," but you seem very upset by this new woman in his life, so it made me wonder if there was more going on. I know my hub and I were "just friends" for years, and well, that clearly became something else.:) Your post reads like you might have interest in him... am I right?

4. Talk to him (avoid the phrases "ugly ass girl friend" and "skanky ho" and the like, hahaha) and tell him how you feel. Don't demand his undivided attention, but maybe set friend-dates for certain days that are just for you guys? (but also expect the GF to be unhappy with this, so it might not work) Also don't take crap from him! Friendship works two ways. If he is neglecting you, and choosing to abandon you for the sake of his love-interest, maybe he deserves a swift kick in the arse. That woman is not holding a gun to his head. He should not allow himself to be forced to choose between you and her. It's easy to blame her, but really, he has a part in this too.

5. Find other people to hang out with now and then. I don't mean you should totally stop hanging out with him or stop expecting him to be a friend (it's a 2 way street right?)... but maybe you need to find some new people to spend some of your time with? Your friend is bound to have girlfriends, and at some point you will have a boyfriend... expand your circle of friends! That way you guys are not so reliant on each other.

6. I think you need to be at least a bit sensitive to his girlfriend. Think about it: how would you feel if you were this girl friend? Would you want your boyfriend to be fixated on his relationship with another woman? Call me paranoid, but if I were the GF I would be uncomfortable with my BF spending all kinds of time alone, with another woman. KWIM? Maybe this couple and some other friends and you could get together and all hang out? That way tensions are eased and you get out of the situation of being a "third wheel." Plus you could get to know this chick... maybe she's quite nice afterall?

I hope some of my ideas help your situation?
Cheers!

[bangin_blondie]

Those are all true, yeah i use to liek him, but I think i have gotten over that fatc. we have hooked up in the past and I lsot my virginty to him. We would be together noe, but my dad doesnt like seeing me hurt. i have cut my slef over him put his initials in my ankle starved my slef, and I still going running back to him. my dad doesnt want to see what would happen if we did go out and he decides to dump me. He was living wiht me for a while. i am like his sister,and he considers my dad his dad becasue his dad left him when he was 6 weeks and his mom is a major drug attic. he tells evey one his mom is dead even though she isnt. he tells me how my dad and I are like family to him and how he loves me so much and how he would never hurt me, but when ever he is wiht some one he alwasy hurts me and trets me like crap jsut to act all big and bad.

[meliz]

Ya know what? You gotta leave this guy. And you need to seek some help. I get the sense you are young.... and maybe you think this is the way men and women interact, but it isn't. Cutting yourself, starving yourself, doing his every bidding and accepting his shitty treatment are all signs of some huge HUGE problems. The thing is, if this guy loved you, he would insist that you not cut yourself, not starve yourself, not do his homework and he would not treat you like crap when his woman-of-the-week comes along. You are being used, m'dear, and you need to not let that happen to you. It might not feel like it now, but you do not need this guy in your life; he is bringing you down to his twisted level. In fact, hard as it is for you to believe, your life would be better without him. You sound like a smart young woman; you can manage without him. Also remember that there are guys out there who ARE decent and kind and caring. This guy is not. He is hurting you, and it's a bitter pill, but you have to accept that you cannot stay with him. Is there someone you can talk to? A teacher/guidance counsellor? A family member you trust? Listen to your dad! He has your best interests at heart; this guy does not.

[Turtleheadfred]

Hi Blondie! Oh girl! I'm so sorry but Meliz is absolutely right! This guy is NOT treating you right and you need to get away from him. And you need to get some type of counseling to help you figure out why you are accepting this poor type of treatment, even to your own detriment. You've got so much else out there - and this one guy isn't worth your torturing yourself. And if you could talk to someone else, like a counselor, they might be able to help you understand why you feel the way you do - and that way, not repeat the behavior later on. Honestly, at some point in time, most people do sort of a "self evaluation" to help themselves become better people - and sometimes they need a counselor to do that - so it's nothing to feel bad about. It's part of growing as a person.

Please listen to Meliz... she's a good person and it's being honest and trying to help you - as am I. I hope you can get through this and maybe make this guy stand on his own two feet instead of treating you like a doormat!

With love - Turtlehead