Blind sided entirely

[Heather130]

I’m not sure where to start, I’m still stunned.

I’ve been in a relationship with a manic-depressive for 2 years….or should I say was. Yup, he had issues and has issues to this day, but I fell madly in love with him. We have been through so much and I always stood by him no matter what, even when he felt hopeless and lost his job because of his depression (he is doing better now after switching meds), he could always count on me for anything.

Now I will start informing you all why I’m here. I have bought a place (me and MY daughter are currently living with my folks) and we were to all move in together, we picked out the carpet and paint color 3 weeks ago, every things was going accordingly. He told his roommate that he was moving in with me and that he would be out by June.

Three days ago he told me (4 weeks before our position date) that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore (news to me), he says the thought of moving in with me and taking on the family roll scared the living daylights out of him and he can’t do it. He says he lived with a person for 8 years in the past and fell out of love with her and does not want to go thought that again and be trapped in a place he despises being in. He says he is such a loner and loves his loner, beer drinking lifestyle and that he is terrified of making a change that would mess up my life and his even more… He has problems isolating him self a lot, I just figured this would be good for him and thing would just fall into place.

My problem is I just can’t understand why one minute we were picking out appliances and him being all for it and the next minute he dumps me.

I am absolutely devastated, heart broken and confused.
I’m ok with him not moving in with me if that is what he wants but to break it off with me and to say he is not in love with me that is a shock.

If anyone could help with any advice, I’m sitting here dumbfounded.

[Sexy Strawberry]

Hi Heather!

Well, if you want my honest opinion, and sorry I am so harsh... I think you're very lucky because he decided not to move in with you. Someone who has such mental problems and this "beer drinking lifestyle" that you mention is the kind of person that makes me very sorry, but with whom I would NEVER want a relationship.

Someone like him would never make you happy and, taking into account that you have a daughter, he doesn't really sound like a good stepfather (because I assume it's not his daughter (?)). I mean... maybe he has a wonderful heart, but he sounds impossible to live with.

I understand very well that you are devastated, sad, surprised, shocked, etc but life goes on and maybe later you'll realize that it was better this way. Every cloud has a silver lining... cheer up! Tell us how you're doing :)

[MissRyry]

Heather, this happens to others as well. You will get over it! Go ahead with your plans for the new place. Make it your's.

Before I met my husband, I was also blinded-ly dumped. He flew me to Utah to meet his parents for Thanksgiving. I met his son, I met his ex-wife. We started talking engagement rings and marriage ... and then a few days later he broke up with me. :crazy:

>'.'<

[Sunny2004]

People that are manic depressive. Have such wild mood changes. I imagine being with him alone has been a very difficult ride for you and your daughter.
I have dated Manic depressive people before and they tend to close themselves off from the world and just wollow in their problems. I remeber one guy i dated for quite a few years one day wouldn't return my calls or answer his door. For a week he locked himself in his apartment.

You don't want that enviroment for yourself or your daughter. It's very hard to flourish emotionally with someone who is constantly drowning. It would be a very unhealthly relationship and be very bad for your daughter to be around.

I know it's hard but try to look through this time of sadness and think it might just be a blessing in disguise.

You need and deserve someone who is emotionally there for you and your daughter.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. Keep your chin up. Remember as hard as it is to fathom right now things DO happen for a reason. Maybe your reason is your deserve better and so does your daughter.....

[ParagonEos]

The more frightening thing is that Manic depressants have mood swings like crazy, he could decide tomorrow that he wants to be in your life again and you may just take him back, and in a few months he will decide he can't handle the responsibilities anymore, and back and forth, Girlie! I know it's hard, but what he does with his mood swings is nothing less than emotional abuse and is sure to really confuse your daughter's and your emotions, and she will never learn how a man is supposed to be.
I personally would be more afraid of the darkside they rarely show because they are so "in to" themselves and keep you on the outside looking in, so you never REALLY know them.

I am very sorry you are hurt, but I am not so sure that you need someone like that when you have a daughter, Blessing in disguise, maybe the Lord is looking out for you.

[Anniet222]

I learned a long time ago that things work out the way they are supposed to. When you look back at traumatic things that happened in your life.... like losing a job or a suffering through a romantic break-up.....you say, "Boy, that was the best thing that happened to me." However, that does not make it any less painful to go through at the time. I am sorry you are hurting. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get through it. Things will be fine in the end. If it's not fine..............then it's not the end.

[Anniet222]

p.s.
most men are pond scum

[ParagonEos]

Theres a whole lotta truth to that... Sometimes when it real painful and it doesn't turn out to be the best thing.. you learn a whole lot about it, and learn alot about yourself.

And Alot of men are pond scum, but certainly not all, keep your chin up!

[HeavenLeigh]

I've been dumped like that before. About 4 years ago I was dropped like a hot potato for no apparent reason. It hurt like hell and took awhile to get over but now that the pain is gone I can see clearly......he was NOT for me. Everything happens for a reason. Manic depressives are prone to do things like that. They may even become violent, even if they never were before. Keep your chin up. It's not the end of the world, it only feels like it is.